Gary Miller

Gary Miller was born in San Diego on March 8, 1949, to Vivian Doile Miller and Oliver J. Miller. He grew up in Kansas City, Missouri.

Gary often wondered how he picked up his views that all people should be treated equally. At home he heard degrading names for racial, religious and ethnic minorities. As a teenager he was actively involved in a Methodist Church in the inner city, a mixture of older whites who didn't want to give up "their church" and African-Americans who were moving into the neighborhood. When his parents transferred to a "lily-white" Methodist Church in another part of town, Gary withstood their pressure to leave his church and attend theirs instead. Once when Gary was to give a speech supporting interracial couples, his parents hid his written text and he had to give the speech from memory.

As Gary grew up, his hero was Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. King personified what Gary expected from Christians and humanitarians. King loved his enemy even if his enemy was physically harming him. Dr. King wanted to win his enemy over to become a friend. He was a leader for all people.

Gary was in high school when the Vietnam War escalated. One day Gary was handed a leaflet: "Do You Need Draft Counseling"? Yes, he did. He found the draft counselors in the basement of an apartment building and talked with them at length. Then he said, "I've heard Quakers are pacifists. I would like to talk to them." There was a surprised silence. Then one of the counselors replied: "You've been talking to us all evening!" The counselors gave him literature and invited him to worship with them at the Penn Valley Friends Meeting. Gary applied for a conscientious objector status. His draft board did not consider the Methodist Church as a "peace church," and denied the C.O. status. At his physical exam Gary stated that he was gay, and got a deferment.

Gary attended Central Methodist College in Fayette, Missouri, for two years. He found that in the town and in the college, segregation was still a way of life. He joined other students in protesting college racism. During this time he found out about the homophile movement and met his first husband-to-be, Ronald E. Bentley.

Gary and Ron moved to San Francisco in 1970. In 1971 they were married in the Metropolitan Community Church. Gary joined the San Francisco Monthly Meeting of Friends. He was active in the life of the Meeting, including serving as clerk. One year the Meeting sent him to a conference of the Friends World Committee for Consultation to dialogue with representatives of the various branches of Quakers.

Gary took a job with the Friends Committee on Legislation and was asked to move to the Sacramento office. In 1978 his Meeting membership was transferred from San Francisco to the Sacramento Monthly Meeting. In the 1980s his involvement with the Sacramento Meeting diminished, and in 1990 he released from membership.

Gary worked for the Sacramento Employment and Training Agency for 25 years. He organized the employees to join a union, the American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees. His job was helping people who were "hard to place" into job training. It made him thankful that he had a job with salary and benefits, a home, transportation and a nice warm bed. He later said, "I would never want so much that I forget the people who have so little."

Throughout his life Gary was a dedicated citizen working for liberty and justice for all. He often spoke from his experience being gay: over the years he was fired from a job, not hired for another job, denied housing, denied education, and targeted in homophobic political campaigns. Gary was active and took leadership in several civil rights organizations as well as the Democratic Party. Gary was elected to the Robla school board and later the Roseville school board with service totaling almost 30 years; he said he wanted the future in the hands of "good people who have benefited from being educated properly."

In 1994 Ron Bentley died of AIDS. In need of support, Gary turned to the Sacramento Meeting, and later expressed his profound gratitude for the help offered by Friends.

In 2005 Gary re-joined the Sacramento Meeting. Friends valued his spoken ministry and were grateful for his quiet presence as clerk for four years. He knew everyone's birthday and would announce them in meeting and take the occasion to send an appreciative message. After interviewing several older meeting members, Gary compiled a scrapbook of Meeting history, interviews and photos. He contributed many books to the meeting library, including his journal about Ron's final illness and a scrapbook of Gary's wedding to Mike Gollbach, which took place in 2009 under the care of the Meeting. On one Meeting form he added a handwritten note: "If I am murdered, I do not want my murderer to be executed or killed."

Gary was a voracious reader of nonfiction, especially political subjects; he would often write reviews and email them to interested friends. He appreciated the value of history and enjoyed interviewing others and being interviewed. He relaxed with theatre and musicals. Gary loved celebrations and gave parties for his own birthday.

Mike died in June 2022, and for a second time Gary was bereft of a husband. Gary died less than three months later, on September 16, 2022.

We will remember Gary's benevolent nature, his warm and sympathetic friendship, and his example of faith that guided him to work for the betterment of others throughout his life.