Attuning to the Spirit: An Interview with Paul Christiansen

Western Friend: So that other people who haven't met you will understand the landscape of your experience: Who are you and what's up with your life in general?

Paul: I am a lifelong Quaker; I attended my first meeting at age two weeks and I’ve been attending Eastside Friends Meeting, outside Seattle, since I was six. I've been a member there since my early 20s. I've served Eastside as clerk and right now, I'm the presiding clerk of North Pacific Yearly meeting (NPYM).

I worked with the high school aged Friends of NPYM for three years just before the pandemic. I did that job because I also teach high school. I've been teaching one way or another since I graduated from Earlham College.

I quit teaching during the late stages of COVID, which freed me to accept the position of presiding clerk. I couldn’t have done it as a full-time teacher.

I'm a writer. I had an article in Western Friend many years ago. I wrote a Pendle Hill pamphlet ten years ago. One day I would like to publish some fiction.

Western Friend: Could you talk about how you've experienced the Spirit breaking into your life?

Paul: I’m going to tell a story that I have no memory of because I was three or four. I was on a hike with some friends of the family, one of whom was a Methodist minister. He knew my mom and I were Quaker and we'd been going to Quaker meetings. So, he asked me about it. I said “We sit in a circle and we're quiet and we wait for God to talk to us.” And being a good minister he asked “And does God speak to you?” and I said “Oh, yeah.” I have no idea what I meant.

My first big breakthrough happened at a Christmas Eve service at the Presbyterian church my father worshiped at (it was not in Quaker meeting, which makes me feel a little bit like a traitor). We'd been learning a lot about the environment [in school] and I cast up the prayer: “Should I be working on this?” The answer I got back was “Go and do it.” That has governed my life ever since.

I traveled in the ministry with a concern for climate chaos for a year or two before the pandemic. Every now and then I think that I'm getting away from it. Then it resurfaces and I realize I'm still on that mission.

When I was a child, I don't remember precisely my age, as one point I felt very connected to Spirit. I said: “I pledge myself to your service.” And that was accepted. Which means… that I'm not in charge and I do what I'm told.

[But] of late, the leadings have been “What do you want?” Which is very disconcerting, after asking, “Tell me what to do!” [and] then hearing back “Well, how do you think you should handle this?”

I recognize this as a teacher, trying to push a student further. I can tell a student what to do all day long, but if I really want them to learn something, then I'm going to start asking them “What comes next?”

I feel very blessed. Since I was young, I have felt clear messages—though not always as clear as I would have liked. I know that other Friends spend their whole life seeking that. When I say it out loud, I feel almost like I’m hogging it.

Western Friend: Were there any experiences of the Light that you had while working with groups?

Paul: When I was my traveling in the ministry, I had an experience that I am going to take with me for the rest of my life. I went out into the community knowing that I was going to be talking to a bunch of friends who were older, wealthier, lot of folks who are pretty comfortable. I went out on that trip intending to try to shake people up. To push people beyond their comfort. To come in and wag my finger at them and tell them, “You’re not doing enough.”

Whenever I got to a meeting, the first thing I would do is I would ask them how they were feeling about climate change. Over and over again, I heard people saying:

“We don't know what to do. And we're terrified.”

I realized… people were scolding themselves and feeling guilty… at the same time, they really didn't know what to do. And they were feeling really hopeless and helpless.

In fact, I occasionally encountered some friends who were displaying symptoms of depression… One Friend told me that every single time I said something as a possible [climate] solution, he found a way that it wouldn't work. That’s a depression symptom for sure. I know because I have experience with depression. I was seeing my own symptoms reflected back at me... I quickly realized that I needed to inspire rather than scold... and try to put some heart back into them.

One of the phrases that I used over and over again when I was on that particular trip was “I have good news and bad news. And it's the same news: We can do more than we think we can.” That's bad news because we’ve got more to do. And that's good news because we can do it.

Western Friend: Have you ever heard God speak through someone else?

Paul: At one point I didn’t have a car and couldn't get to Eastside for a while... so I would walk to a different meeting. They've got two meetings every Sunday. The one in the early morning is usually dead silent. Then there's the 11 o'clock meeting. It’s is kind of infamous for being a talkative, popcorn meeting. I went in to the 11 o’clock meeting and about five minutes in someone stood up to start speaking. I thought to myself “Here we go...”

The message was all about judging. Judging too quickly, not seeing and not appreciating what other people saw. I just sat there and… thought: “Guilty as charged. That is pretty darn clear, God, you’re teaching me something here.”

That's the clearest example I've had of being instantly proven wrong by the Spirit.

Western Friend: Have you had a one-on-one conversation with somebody where you felt like God was speaking to you through them?

Paul: I've had some conversations where some of the members of my support committee have said things that caught me by surprise. These words resonated with something deep in me, private thoughts or feelings I hadn't shared about, that they were speaking directly to. Or words that made a connection in my head that they had no idea they were making.

Western Friend: You said earlier that you have an easy connection with spirit. I would really like to know what is the quality of that connection and how do you know when you've tapped into it?

Paul: I wouldn't say easy. I would say frequent. Perhaps open would be a good [word]. Many of the things that have come through that connection have been challenging, so I am reluctant to say “easy.”

How do I know that I'm in it, though? I shiver. I get that rush. I can get that feeling from other things every now and then, so, I'm a little bit suspicious. I don't want to consider that to be the only criterion. Usually, I know that I'm connecting to Spirit because I’m having a thought that I would not usually have.

I do hedge my bets. I have the faith of a willow tree, right? I bend. I'm willing to say “I don't know. Maybe I didn't hear the Spirit that time.” Then if it turns out it wasn't God, I don't mind so much because I know that I'm capable of getting it wrong.

Often, I notice a connection of things that haven't been previously joined in my head, but should be. Building bridges across disparate concepts and contexts.

I do feel like the Spirit is using me, but I feel the Spirit is using me for my strengths. And so, while some messages are surprising, they often make a lot of sense. I wouldn't have thought this. I wouldn't have expected to do this. But now I'm doing it.

I feel it's a familiar connection. I suppose from the Divine's perspective, our relationship is not that long, but for me it’s been a long-running conversation. If you've known somebody for a long time... they can come up with a joke that makes you laugh but also makes you think. I receive jokes from the Spirit where I laugh. Sometimes it's rueful laughter. “Oh, yeah. You're absolutely right. I messed that one up.”

Humor is based on surprise, right? The Spirit surprises me even after all these years. It's a very loving relationship.

I am continually impressed when I see what the Spirit can do: how it takes ashes and desolation, and turns them into gardens. Make that ash into fertilizer. Take disasters and turn them into miracles. All by just whispering in our ears and gently nudging… I am amazed at the kind of juggling it must take: “I need you to think about this, so that you will say something to your friend four days from now, who will then communicate a different related message to somebody else after that.” The planning that goes into this...

I know how easy it is for me say terrible things about myself. I feel the Spirit is constantly trying to shore that up, and prop me up, and remind me that I am not the miserable creature I see in the mirror sometimes.

I feel very held. Much of the time I receive the message from Spirit: “I love you”. Sometimes all I get, for days on end, when I ask what to do is just: “Love people” or “Love your neighbors.”

That is a very simple instruction but love is such an enormously complicated and intense and difficult thing. Love takes work. Love is astonishing, but love does not come easy.