Feel the Flow

I came to Friends in my 40s with an eclectic set of skills and experiences. I’m a social worker by training and also by inheritance. My default response in almost any situation is to listen. Professionally, I’ve had practice in behavioral observation - seeing and naming what is, without judgement, and in offering guided meditation and relaxation exercises to folks in physical and emotional pain. In my private life, I’ve had experiences of knowing things I had no reason to know, which drew me toward meditation and energy healing – also forms of listening. Settling into my first Quaker meeting for worship, where the intent was to listen together for the Transcendent, I felt that I had come home.

Twenty-five years later, I find myself reflecting on the skills and experiences I brought with me when I first arrived, and how those have played into my understanding of myself as a Quaker. Every Friend listens for the Transcendent in their own unique way, based on the gifts and tools they have been given. My desire is to settle into the flow of the universe, to break free from that sense of swimming upstream and the delusion that I can push the river along with me. I seek to settle into attunement with the love, the energy, and the flow that surrounds me and moves through me with every breath.

To guide myself in this seeking, I tune in to physical clues. When I settle into meeting for worship, I notice that my breathing slows a bit and settles more deeply into my lungs and diaphragm; the areas around my neck and upper back relax; I can feel myself shifting in my chair – from leaning forward to settling back; my shoulders drop, and my hips and abdomen relax. The chattering in my head subsides. I feel as though I am both expanding and deepening from the inside. I look around the circle and watch as others’ faces and bodies relax as well.

I attend worship a couple times a week and practice all that noticing. Whenever I find that I’m having trouble settling, I consider my physical cues. I check whether I’m holding tension in any part of my body, or whether I’m holding it anywhere in my thoughts. I invite my breath to open into that universal stream that can wash away blocks, distraction and hesitation. I listen for the meaning of the tension. Is there something I need to hold in the Light?

Over the years, I’ve developed a habit of watching for clues from my body, not just during meeting for worship, but during situations that ask me to decide what role is mine to fill. One morning, for example, I woke early to a voicemail from a Friend in the emergency room. I felt no need to breathe and center to figure out what to do. Rather, I was filled with a sense of relaxed clarity, a sign of the Transcendent for me, which got me out the door almost immediately to go join my friend at the hospital. I was moved by irresistible Love, not by obligation.

In contrast, in a somewhat similar situation, Friend A called me to share their concern about Friend B, who had just been taken, by themselves, to the emergency room. My head responded immediately, “No one should have to face the ER alone.” Often that would be enough to get me in the car; but my feet were dragging. Spending just a few moments breathing into my center, I became clear that my head was not in tune with my heart, and that this particular trip to the ER was not mine to make. My “should’s” had been trying to drive me forward, but the flow of the universe said my role was to support Friend A in supporting Friend B.

Throughout my daily routine, I consciously try to invite God/Spirit/Universal Flow into each moment and let the current take me. When I find myself wanting to scream at traffic, I try to remember to breathe instead. I can allow my attention to disengage from the cars in front of me and move back to my center. Breathe. Relax. Let go of control. Appreciate the blue sky or the full moon. Open that internal expansiveness. Breathe. Pay attention. Listen. Let go.

Nan Wilkinson grew up in North Idaho, in a family of social workers and mystics. She is a member of Strawberry Creek Meeting in Berkeley, CA. She has served in a variety of roles in both Strawberry Creek and Pacific Yearly Meeting, including on the Eldering subcommittee of PacYM’s Ministry Committee, and the board of Western Friend.