An Innocent Voice and an Open Heart

When Ellen Rückmann-Bruch speaks, her bright teenage voice flows through the valleys in Manoa, her home a few miles from Honolulu Friends Meeting. Then it flows further to the beaches of Waikiki and even further to other islands in the Hawaiian chain.

In 2022 Ellen won her school’s spelling bee. A year later she defended her school title against 50 participants in 29 grueling rounds. Both times she went on to hold her own with the best spellers of her age in the Honolulu District competition.

The magic of Ellen’s voice, especially when she spells words, was heard by thousands who watched her on featured stories broadcast on three of the islands’ major news stations and read by thousands more in articles printed by Hawai’i’s two leading newspapers. The magic has connected and given hope to people and their families who struggle to find their voice or have it heard. It has even brought a little more faith to the Aloha State.

Ellen, who was born with Down syndrome, speaks three languages fluently: English, German, and Inclusive. Media exposure has celebrated Ellen’s emergence, at age 13, as an articulate, poised advocate for all people, young and old, who may feel or are told they don’t fit in. She offers them reassurance and support and urges them to be their authentic selves.

“If I can be a champion, so can you,” says Ellen. “I want to live my dreams, and I want others to live theirs. If someone doesn’t believe in you, come to me, because I will believe in you.”

Ellen’s dreams have extended beyond winning spelling bees. She is also a published poet whose work has appeared in a major Hawai’i newspaper and in local anthologies. She plans to become an expert swimmer, attend and graduate from college, and use her voice to continue to break down barriers and shift perspectives for a more inclusive world.

Championing causes of marginalized groups or those outside the mainstream comes naturally to Ellen. Her parents, Dr. Benjamin Bruch and Rüdiger Rückmann, have been together for 21 years as an openly gay couple and have taught Ellen to be aware that overcoming hurdles takes time, discipline, and maintaining kindness, especially during struggles.

When they decided to become parents after seven years as a committed couple, Ben and Rüdiger had to move to one of the few states in the U.S. where same-sex marriage was legal. This was before the U.S. Supreme Court made marriage equality the law of the land in all 50 states. Before Ellen was born, Ben and Rüdiger held their breaths and then exhaled in great relief after a judge recognized them both as Ellen’s full legal parents.

Rüdiger, Ben, and Ellen even made a bit of history when Ellen was still a baby. The family had moved to Germany, where Ben taught Celtic languages and culture at the University of Bonn. To fulfill a residency requirement, the family needed to be registered with the City of Bonn. A clerk insisted that a mother had to be listed on the form. For over an hour, Ben and Rüdiger took turns holding their baby, and together, kept holding their ground while providing scores of documents. They patiently explained that only they were Ellen’s legal parents. Exasperated, the clerk called her supervisor, who decided 10 minutes later that Ben and Rüdiger would be recognized as Bonn’s first same-sex legal parents.

Like many people, the family has mixed feelings about the attention it receives for what Ben calls “just living our lives like so many others – taking our child to school, doing homework in the evening after work, paying the mortgage, and trying to help our daughter navigate life.” Ellen’s parents remind her to stay grounded, that attention is fleeting, but achievements stay with you.

As a Quaker and Buddhist family, Ben and Rüdiger strive to live simply. They are surprised by the attention they and their daughter have received, and they are grateful for the opportunities Ellen has been given to share her story. “But we never want anyone to put Ellen or our family on a pedestal,” says Ben.

From the moment she first made sounds as a baby, Ellen’s sweet voice has been like fresh, pure snow: a dusting of beauty and calm in an anxious world, where too many rush to define and label others, negate individual humanity, and chip away at people’s dignity, respect, and self-belief.

Before Ellen was born, but after her Down syndrome had been diagnosed, a well-meaning acquaintance approached Rüdiger about sending Ellen to a school for children with disabilities. This acquaintance told Rüdiger that, when she became an adult, Ellen could work packing groceries because “that always makes me smile to see these Down syndrome people so friendly all the time. They’re like eternal Buddha babies!” Rüdiger asked the woman if perhaps it would not be better to wait to see how his daughter’s life would unfold – that she might want to go to college and decide on a different career.

Like most young teenagers, Ellen does not always smile. She cries when she is not invited to parties or hangouts, which has happened more often as Ellen has gotten older. Although she more than holds her own in fully integrated classrooms and reads beyond her grade level in two languages, Ellen is frequently excluded from gatherings outside of school. She admits she sometimes tries too hard to be liked.

Learning how to get through moments of pain has reinforced for Ellen her desire to be an advocate for herself and others. “Words are magical for me,” she says. “They make me strong as a sturdy tree and able to protect others. If you’re feeling lonely, come to me. We all deserve to be loved for who we are.”

Ellen’s heart and future are as vast and bright as the Pacific Ocean that she can see from her home. Her favorite saying for years has been, “Today was the best day ever.” Only a year into being a teenager, Ellen has transformed countless lives with her optimism and inner Light. ~~~

Rüdiger Herzing Rückmann is a Plain Quaker, a member of West Branch Friends Meeting (IAYM-Con), and a poet who attends Honolulu Friends Meeting. His husband and their daughter, Dr. Benjamin Bruch and Ellen Rückmann-Bruch, are members of Honpa Hongwanji Hawai’i Betsuin, a Jodo Shinshu Buddhist temple.