Fun on Memorials

It may sound really strange to put the words “fun” and “Memorials Committee” in the same sentence, but I’ve found it to be true.

I’ve been on the Memorials Committee here at the La Jolla Monthly Meeting (San Diego) for quite a few years. In theory, all committee assignments are for three years, with one renewal. The exception to that is the Memorials Committee. The joke around the committee is that once you’re on it, you stay on it until you yourself need their services.

In many ways though, Memorials is a great committee to be on. It’s the last nice thing we can do for one of our Friends. It’s a chance to meet their family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors—people we likely have never seen before.

We do all the routine work, such as working with the family to create a memorial minute and sending the notice to Western Friend and/or Friends Journal. But we also do two things that are a real joy.

The first is to find photos of our deceased Friend. We usually put this photo display in the breezeway; more recently, we also put the photos into a Zoom presentation, perhaps accompanied by their favorite music. It is really wonderful to see all the activities our Friend was involved in, to see them with their family members, and to get to know them better.

The second is party time! We usually have some sort of reception after the meeting for memorials. We try to make that event fit with what our Friend liked. We might order takeout from their favorite Mexican restaurant.

Maybe they were partial to potlucks. They might have asked for just coffee and cookies. We try to work it out so that the reception is an opportunity for us to echo a part of our Friend’s life or work. It gives the mourners a chance to talk with one another, to catch up, and to remember.

The members of our committee have worked together for many years. As a result, we have a default division of the work. We all pitch in on all the tasks, but one committee member is the lead. For instance, one person is in charge of flowers—both inside the meetinghouse and at the reception. Another is the main contact with the family, working with them on setting the date and time for the memorial, creating the memorial minute, gathering photos, and checking on their preferences for any reception after the memorial.

Someone else leads on setting up the meeting room and tables. Do the chairs need to be moved? Do we need a separate table for a guest book from the family? Another takes charge of the technical work, such as setting up the online network, creating a photo montage, and checking that the microphones are working properly.

My job is usually in the kitchen. Where will the food and drinks come from, and who will pick them up? Do we need to buy napkins or paper plates? Where should the coffee urn be placed? How many tables need to be inside, and how many can go out on our patio? Are the tablecloths clean? What happens to any leftovers?

The Memorials Committee is really a fun one. Of course, like the rest of the community, we mourn our lost Friend. Usually we find out many things about that person that we wish we had known while they were still alive.

Memorials Commitee is way to connect with others, to do something creative, and to take comfort by mourning with others.

If you’re asked to serve on Memorials, do it!

Roena Oesting, La Jolla Monthly Meeting, San Diego, CA

I’m not the oldest member in our meeting, but I’m “significantly above average.”