Honey Roasting

I was in Meeting for Worship and the children were singing upstairs and we could hear them. They started with “Will the Circle be Unbroken" and then started energetically singing “This Little Light of Mine.” One of the adults downstairs in the meeting room whispered to his partner, “I can’t stand it, I’m going upstairs to sing with them.” I felt the draw to join them too, but didn’t follow that call.

Instead, I mused on the topic of spiritual gifts. It is easy to see the Light in children. I also think that it’s often easy to see the Light in others – especially if I like them or have had positive experiences with them. Sometimes the Light that is revealed in others points to the gifts that they were born with or gifts that they have cultivated in their lives.

I wonder why it is often so hard to see my own Light? I think a lot of us have a harder time recognizing our own gifts. I wonder if this is an example of that cognitive pitfall that comes from comparing our insides with others’ outsides? I know in great detail my own struggles and areas for improvement. I know what a mess I am and all the ways I miss the mark every day. However, all I know about others is how awesome they seem to me. Their Light shines through because I don’t know about all the ways they might struggle to find their Inner Light.

As I was listening to the children singing, I wondered what it is like to be raised as a Quaker? These children will be guided by the adults in their lives to discern their gifts, let their lives speak, to be patterns in the world. I was not raised in the Quaker tradition and the adults in my life directed me to do gender-based and marketable things with my life. I don’t recall adults asking about or noticing my gifts, or encouraging me to do what lit me up inside. I do recall a lot of helpful guidance toward developing skills that were valuable to the employment marketplace.

In my current job, I was introduced to a tradition called “honey roasting.” Similar to the experience of being roasted by your peers, it’s semi-embarrassing. But instead of having an edge of meanness, it is sweet like honey. We take turns telling people about the gifts that we see in them, how they make the world a better place, the difference they make in our lives. This practice of recognizing the spiritual gifts of others helps us to connect and appreciate each other and makes my current job the best job I’ve ever had!

Because I am adjacent to higher ed and human resources, I have noticed that it is a trend for people in these communities to put their Clifton Strengths™ on their emails and LinkedIn profiles. One colleague lists Harmony, Deliberative, Discipline, Consistency, and Intellection as his strengths.

Clifton Strengths™ are so-called “soft skills” and I wondered if they could be similar to spiritual gifts. So, of course, I Googled. I learned that for $24.99, one can learn about their top 5 Clifton Strengths™. For an additional fee, a person could learn about their 34 strengths and possible blind spots. Luckily for Quakers, we can learn more about our gifts and areas for growth by accessing the Inner Guide without the obstacle of a paywall. For the low price of a potluck and a few hours of prep time, you could even have a clearness committee to learn more!

So far on my journey, I have answered several leadings and developed gifts that I thought were from Spirit. In my current job, I use gifts that I didn’t realize that I had and I have the chance to develop new skills and gifts. I enjoy working with fellow QVS staffers, seeing their gifts, and honey roasting them when I have a chance. I continue to dance between ideas around the “marketable skills” that I was raised to value and the spiritual gifts I have come to know in my time as a Quaker. I know I still have a lot to learn and am happy to be learning and growing among Friends.

Ruth Cutcher (she/her) is the Recruiting Manager for Quaker Voluntary Service and is a member of Durango Friends Meeting. Although currently living in Richmond, Indiana, Ruth spends her free time plotting ways to return to the intermountain west with her cat, Velvet.