The State of Giving

“I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do ... let me do it now.”

- William Penn

All of us slip into the habit, in our communications with others, of acting reflexively. We can be courteous and thoughtful but we get busy and can fall short. I invite Friends to recognize our pat responses and bring our kindness forward with the intention of The Spirit.

You can think of things like saying “Thank you” when someone holds the door open for you. Maybe you smile and nod or voice a quick "thanks.’ How much more weighty to look them in the eye, pause, and say "Thank you" with meaning and emotion?

That's a simple example but it illustrates a small way to have a bigger, more meaningful impact to add positivity to our communities. One doesn't have to be an extrovert to be intentional with simple interactions - everyone can do it in their own manner. It could even be a practiced, comfortable phrase. Saying the same phrase in repeated instances can still have impact when delivered with sincerity.

Someone I work with often says "I appreciate you." At first, I thought of it as an odd phrase that seemed to outweigh the task I had just performed - say unjamming the office copier. But she qualifies it with "I really didn't have the extra time this morning" or "You always seem to know how to deal with these things." She uses my name and pauses to look at me and her words have weight. Others may mean the same thing with a hurried "Thanks!" but this coworker ensures that I understand the value I provide in her day. What a gift.

In our Quaker meetings, many hands are busy with the work of the Meeting. People contribute a variety of histories, experiences, skill sets and needs. I am purposeful about expressing my thanks to Friends who are doing work that I'm not so quick to sign up for.

I am not, as I think you probably understand, proposing you thank everyone, always. I am asking you to notice what people are doing, even how they are going about it. Notice how they are approaching old problems with new solutions. See them working with individuals you might find difficult. See them caring for our most vulnerable. And then find a way to tell them that you recognize the specific gifts they bring. It can be your gift to be specific about what you notice and express why that touches you. I am also a big fan of letting folks know when I hear good things said about them second-hand. We are all such fragile creatures, (though I know I don't like to think of myself that way) and it’s easy to observe others and feel like no one is noticing us. Being told that we are not only being seen but appreciated and treasured is no small thing.

When we take the time to hold up the people that make any of our communities run, when we pause to have a conversation and foster deliberate connection, we provide food for the soul; both ours and the other’s. The entire community is fed and strengthened. I have been gently patted on the arm and given a warm smile from someone and known the entirety of what that smiled delivered. It can turn my tired or bothered self right around and back to where I like to reside: in a joyful, giving state that appreciates being part of a Meeting that comes together to see the work through.

Kristina Bartleson is a member of University Friends Meeting in Seattle, WA. When she isn't playing with the preschoolers at work, she's drawing, writing or baking. She lives