Self-Compassion is Not Self-Pity

Dear Friends,

Self-compassion is not self-pity.

I don’t remember exactly when I realized that many people have a voice in their heads that disapproves of them, saying they’re deficient in some way, not smart enough, rich enough, sociable enough, whatever. I don’t know exactly why I’m so lucky to escape this internal bully.

I have a few ideas though. My mother and father loved us unconditionally for who we were. (There were plenty of conditions on our behavior.) Harmless eccentric behavior was perfectly acceptable. Laughter enlivened most family meals. Our parents were reliably and physically affectionate. They were truthful and earnest.

When I was teased and bullied at school, my mom shared that she too had been. And she was doing just fine.

I was able to escape into books, dipping into many different lives and stories. My spirit remained whole. My mom always said to listen to our inner voice, and just find our own niche in life. A calm disposition also helped me develop perspective on the world, learning to have my feelings rather than them having me.

I can be good to myself. I don’t have to be perfect. I’m too busy exploring, experiencing, enjoying, and giving to the amazing world around me. Around us.

from Muriel Strand, Sacramento Friends Meeting (9/25/2024)